How many times have you heard about someone valuing “open and honest” conversations? Many people have touted the value of these kinds of conversations as the panacea of resolving all conflict miscommunication and misunderstandings, hurt feelings, etcetera, in both personal and professional life.
I have been on the receiving end of many of these so-called “open and honest” conversations; unfortunately, the conversations often felt and sounded like there was a hidden agenda. Admittedly, there have been more than a few times when conversations I’ve had with others have reeked of my own hidden agenda. (If you talk to any of my siblings, I’m sure they will confirm that statement.) Now that I think about it, this could be why when I say I want to have open and honest communication with any of them, they disappear from my radar. Hmmm.
So I started thinking about what it means to have an open and honest conversation. Not a “difficult” conversation, not a “fierce” conversation but an honest-to-goodness open and honest conversation.
I assert (and you may disagree) that in today’s hurried environment, we are so busy moving from meetings to appointments that we have lost the art of “being” with each other. In the spirit of convenience, we give lip service to what we feel. For example, when asked, “How are you?” how often do you answer automatically? After all, we rarely seem to have the time to stop and talk about what is going on on the other side.
We settle for superficial relationships, rife with assumptions and incomplete conversations where we have left words unsaid and feelings unexpressed. If we do this long enough, we could end up with deeply unfulfilled lives. Spouses become strangers with differing priorities and children become impositions on our time. Our life becomes one of duty and obligations rather than of joy and fulfilment.
So how can we have open and honest communication?
• Examine each relationship and determine why you have that relationship.
Be authentic in your assessment and come from your heart.
• Clarify what works for you and set your personal priorities and boundaries.
Then share those priorities and boundaries so that others know what to expect from you. This way, no one is disappointed.
• Determine what you need from each situation and share what you need in that situation.
You can invite others to be your partner in creating solutions and follow-up activities. This way, everyone’s expectations are out in the open.
• Emphasize being supportive and available.
Then when you have a conversation, others can count on you to have an open and honest conversation with them.
Go ahead and give it a try and let me know how it goes!