Are you incapable of being with unsavoury situations? When someone yells at you, or when you are with a person who is angry, what is your automatic, instant reaction? Do you freeze and have no space for responding or taking action? This is your reptilian brain response, your fight, flight or freeze and unfortunately you have little control over this. Some people kick up a fight and get right in there with retaliation, some boot it on out of that situation and just take off, avoiding the conflict altogether. And some of us just freeze.
When you are locked out, you are incapable of expressing yourself and incapable of doing anything. You freeze. Does this sound like you? When this happens, you likely become limited in your ability to:
- Be with the situation
- Respond in an effective way
Left unchecked, it can become the underlying (disempowering) personal belief about yourself. Phrases that start with “I cannot …”, “Yeah, but…”, and “I don’t…” become the most frequently used in our conversations. Soon we get unconscious to it and learn to expect life to be perpetually uneventful ride of status quo to the end.
What’s the problem with this? Maybe nothing if that’s what you are looking for out of life. Consider though, when you are incapable of being with a situation, you stop being spontaneous, limit your creativity and are not a contribution to society.
Why does this happen? We have the urge to find a safe space to hide in, somewhere comfortable, predictable, a place we can survive. We don’t have to confront uncomfortable emotions – ours or the emotions of others around. Unfortunately, the world is limited in this scenario and we become a victim merely reacting to life’s circumstances. This is how we give away our power. How do we break this trend?
- Start by having open and honest conversations with the people around you. Start asking for the things you want. This may disturb the waters and create an uncomfortable situation but it will at least get the dialogue started. Be prepared, you may actually get what you ask for.
- Tell yourself that conflict is not wrong – and believe it!
- Take responsibility for the situation. Not like it’s your fault but like you have a stake in the situation and the outcome.
- Say your piece and declare what’s in it for you. It might feel risky but it’s time to let people around you know that you care.
- Inquire about the feelings of other people and see if the situation occurs for them in the same way as it does for you. This might open some choices for you.
Above all, have the dialogue. Do not be afraid to wade into an uncomfortable situation and get your feet a little wet in this area. Great rewards are waiting for you on the other side of that wall. Time to make the leap over to the other side and take a chance.